Apple testing new technology that would cause the iphone to disintegrate in your hand

Apple inc unveiled plans for the new Iphone 17 featuring a disintegration capability that would erase your contacts and cause the phone to melt as soon as you make a call or use the internet.

“We knew that we couldn’t always rely on faulty charging ports that wear out in a year and a half,” said CEO Tim Cook.  “It took us a while as far as the tech world goes, but we now have a way to make the phones essentially become useless upon purchase.”

Some apple customers have questioned the idea and wonder if it is really user friendly enough or if apple is overdoing it with its advances.

“I just think it is hyper ambitious,” said Tabitha, a millennial who switched from Android phones when she started working in advertising. “Like it’s a form of showing off that you are better than the Samsung customers because you don’t even have a phone.”

Apple executives disagree.  “If you do the math, it’s about 800 dollars a month that can be re-invested in our company to apply to other technological advances.  “One thing we are experimenting with is membership so people can pay apple a fee for access to their social life but not even go through the formalities of ever buying a computer at all.”

Some executives attributed their innovation skills to time spent in universites where classmates aspired for a passive income.

“The whole world falling apart, is that passive enough for ya?”